He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
