be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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