Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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