I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
