Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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