my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
