I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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