I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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