hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
