Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
