apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
