If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
