remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize