I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
