I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
