dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
