Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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