Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
