dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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