dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
