PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
