Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
