the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this boner is exhausting
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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