Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
