I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
