If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's always time for handjobs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
