No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
