It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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