The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
