when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
