that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
