i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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