you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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