Pappa wants mamma naked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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