More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
