she was so not down for the gang bang
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
