dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
