I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
