It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
