A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
