I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
