there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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