Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
