God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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