Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I want her autograph on my taint
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
