Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
