i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
