Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
