yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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