I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
