my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
