My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
