don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
