Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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