You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you had me at cake vodka
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
