It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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