He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
