I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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