Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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