now i know why i became what i already was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
