my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
