you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
