her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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