Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
