"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
