The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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