My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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