Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
sex in a hospital.. check
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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