Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize