Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
