I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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