two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
